summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
