he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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