I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
