Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
