I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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