she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
