I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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