she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
