This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
