that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
