1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
