it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
