you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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