I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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