Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
