I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
