It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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