You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
