My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
