I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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