You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
