I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
