return my video game
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
