So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
