tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
