I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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