even my farts smell like vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
