I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
