WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
