Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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