bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
