Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
