end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
