I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
