nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We need a shit load of segways right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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