it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
