Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
