ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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