i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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