that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
