Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
