I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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