I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am available for nakedness
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
