Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
