the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
