is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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