Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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