I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
