First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
