Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sext me about skeletons
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
