I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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